Nevermind

She was there, trying to remember what happened last nite, while he was somewhere else lying on the grass, trying to forget the same.
No one ever thought that kind of things could happen. But he was there, exhausted, shaking on the floor under the influence of the worst drug in the entire world: Happiness.

Why does he want to forget, then?

Happiness is vain when based on superfluous events. It fades away as soon as the kiss stops, as soon as the warmth of her body disappears... Because miles away, in the middle of nowhere, someone else is enjoying what once was his all.
What happens when you're not strong enough to make things work? To face the truth? Or most important: what happens when you feel you can't quit? When you can't fight temptation?

Your brain feels sick with every memory, your arms beg to start bleeding, that sempiternal sensation of nausea takes over your body... Now you really wanna fuck someone else's life up... As if it was their fault, don't you? .... Although you know the shame is on you, even when you can't feel guilty anymore.

That long embrace, so simple, so innocent... It's not exactly what you expect when you feel this sick. He was so tired of using and being used that he wanted to keep on going...
To be honest, we never learn; we don't want to.

When pain dominates your body, the only way to keep it close and safe, the only way to avoid feeling miserable, is using it as your "raison d'être" ... If pain made you happy once, it can do it twice, "thrice", forever... And that's not a shallow kind of joy, then.

Those bloodshot eyes, the bleeding knuckles, the wounded lip, the swollen face... Is just the start. You can't feel well when the pain is only yours... Spare a bit of it, you idiot!! Make them suffer as much as you do!! Make them cry and beg!! .... But be careful, you tramp. Don't take it as a revenge, just let them experience the catharsis... Let them feel your very own disgrace.

"I've been crawling around for a while after years and years wandering... When you're close to the ground there's no fear of falling down. Remember: the higher you get, the easier you fall down and shatter your bones... If you keep your hopes high and disappointment strikes, where will you find the solace needed? If things don't go as you expect, who will save your broken heart?"

...Teach them to survive, show them the way to hell and back... As she falls asleep from drinking too much, he lies on the ground and suddenly smiles.
Blame is just a game, you'll be her demise... As long as she's happy, the sun will shine bright.


Fuck. I lost my mind again.